I saw a place in climbing where I can exist without fighting to defend myself. I saw the deep knowledge of the guides who ran clinics and recognized that I also have the same caliber of deep knowledge and passion for teaching climbing. It was so, SO affirming to witness this! At the end of taking a big wall climbing clinic, I took some time alone to cry a few happy tears. I felt like a giant weight had been taken off my shoulders, that I was doing enough as a guide and I could see a path forward in my guiding career. It was so inspiring to be in a clinic where the instructor assumed we all had big climbing goals as well. In so many of the 82 days of climbing instruction I’ve received in the past decade, male instructors have often assumed my goals were small moderate routes (which are fun and totally valid things to climb!) It's been frustrating to want more from myself and climbing while guys ignore me and I have to find my own path forward. Sometimes that constant effort to keep showing up for myself and my climbing dreams gets exhausting. 

As an Asian American person socialized as a woman, I have always held unrealistically high expectations for myself. I’ve been taught through the reinforcement of gendered and racialized norms that I should perfect and ameliorate–my math abilities, my music capabilities, my relationships, my life. Unlearning these deep-seated expectations for myself is a lifelong journey, and very seldom am I given clear opportunities to do so. The Flash Foxy Festival was one of these opportunities. When asked about my experience at the festival, my first description was, “It was one of the most organically safe and supportive spaces I’ve ever been in.” Safe in the sense that there was an absence of a threat, either from the presence of cisgender men whose presence always initially makes me put up my guard or the feeling of judgement from others. Supportive in the sense that not only was I supported, but I was celebrated. Not myself as an individual, but as a collective whole. I felt a sense of reciprocity and understanding through being surrounded by so many women and gender queer folks who shared sentiments of feeling unsafe and unsupported in all aspects of life with the common ground of a climbing community and, instead of focusing on these negative experiences (although they’re important to deliberate as they are often at the root of being driven away from communities and opportunities such as the festival), we partied and cheered and cried.

One of the most memorable aspects of the festival was witnessing the intentional collaboration with the Bishop-Paiute Tribe. It was clear that the Flash Foxy organizers made a thoughtful effort to respectfully include, uplift, and create space for the tribe to engage with the climbing community in ways that felt right to them. Experiencing the spiritual and ceremonial dances was powerful, and I’m grateful to have been welcomed onto their ancestral lands. The beauty of the Owens River Valley is unmatched, and the opportunity to connect with the land and its original stewards made the experience even more meaningful.

I would like to express my appreciation to Flash Foxy for their invitation to attend this year’s meet as a scholarship recipient. You do an incredible job of organising such a full programme and what must be extremely complicated logistically. You have my admiration as someone that organises smaller scale events and knows some of the unseen labour that goes into them!